A Skeptic’s Journey into Spirituality

For most of my life, I wasn’t really sure what to believe in. I was raised Roman Catholic, though I think it was only because my parents wanted to put me in a Catholic school.  I didn’t believe in the dogmatic teachings, but believed in the idea of living in peace and creating peace.  The teachings that always stood out to me were, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” and, “Judge others lest ye be judged”.

Pretty easy to understand: do good, think good. So that’s how I was, always trying to be a good (and cool) person.  The thing about living this way was that I didn’t understand, or even know there was, the essence of what was behind all these teachings.

In my early teens I didn’t believe in much of anything.  I acknowledged that there was some sort of higher power out there, but didn’t care to explore it.  Until one day while hanging out at a park, (because that’s what all underage kids do, right?) a conversation came up with a friend’s boyfriend. He started to talk to me about this thing called energy and how it is all around us.  I still remember how he held his hand in front of my face and asked if I can see the energy pulsating around his hands.  Now, I was always open to new concepts and ideas, but this was a totally new thing for me.  I didn’t deny or reject what he was saying, I just simply told him, “No, I can’t see anything.” I put the concept in my internal bookshelf.

Years later in my early 20’s, I started to feel something weird, something deep within, yearning to come out, to be explored, to be explained…but I had no understanding of what it was or who to talk to about it.  I felt extremely emotional about it at the time, and the only person I could think of who I could talk to was this this guy I met years prior, but he was completely out of my life at this point.

There I was, alone in this dark, weird place.  Not sure what to do, so I began to explore.  Explore my thoughts, feelings, senses.  Usually with my eyes closed, I observed what came up.  Years later I realized that I was in fact meditating, but I was so unfamiliar with any spiritual concepts or ideas I had no clue at the time!

From these experiences, there came a moment I will never forget: I was laying in my bed, eyes closed, thinking, and then I began visualizing myself as an atom particle, and it began to pan out to the cells, tissues, organs, body, outside my body, outside the house, over the city, country, world, solar system, galaxy, and it just kept going and going until I saw a figure, and that figure was me.  I saw everything that was within me, was also around me.  I came to this one mind altering realization: I am God. My mind was blown.

Fast forward a few years and I’m dating a girl (now wife) who is into the same things as me.  We have conversations here and there about spirituality, our thoughts and feelings towards certain ideas and beliefs.  We also train at the same martial arts club with which one of the owners and one of my instructors happens to have his own hypnotherapy clinic and Light centre. (This person also happened to be Dave Lanyon, Ipsissimus and a lineage holder for the Modern Mystery School).   He invites us out to this presentation where a woman was going to talk about this spiritual school.  I really didn’t know what I was getting myself into, but I went.

At this presentation, she talked all about this place called the Mystery School, and its head teacher at the time and Founder Gudni Gudnason.  Then there came a point when she spoke about the main belief teachings in the school, and then there it was, she said the words, the same concept that popped out at me years earlier, “I am God.”

Now, you would think that she had me there, that I was all in at that point, ready to join this Mystery School.  After all, wasn’t this the sign I was looking for?  But no, I wasn’t convinced.

Oh, did I forget to mention I’m a sceptic?  That I am constantly questioning everything that is presented in front of me that has to do with a spiritual belief system or energy healing.  Yes, I did say I was open minded, and into all this spiritual stuff, but I was always discerning and questioning along the way.  There are so many to choose from, how could I be sure it was truth?

We each have a natural talent or something we are good at doing in this world. It could be a musician, a cook, a painter, writer, mathematician, or a psychic and energy healer.  I was born with some gifts, but not the ability to “see” beyond the veil of this matrix. Just like many who don’t have the natural talent within a subject, I had to study harder and work harder to hone the art of expressing and sensing it.

Speaking of which, let’s talk about another part of learning about energy and spirituality: energy healings.  I totally believe that within and around us is an energy system of different bodies, similar to the idea of our physical bodies, with each of these systems having different functions and purposes, all intertwined and spanning dozens of feet out.  All created to allow us to work and play within this realm of reality, and similar to our physical body, this system of energies can become damaged from trauma, life style, and many other factors, which can then lead to physical injuries and sickness.  So, we need to heal and treat these areas within the energy body.

The question that comes with all the healing modalities available, which one is the one for me?  Does it work? How do I know if it works? Does it come from a proper source or lineage? Are they making this stuff up?

There are more and more popping up every year, with weird names or woo woo descriptions. I have met many people who claim to have been given the gift of healing by some other worldly spiritual source, and they may or may not have an elaborate story to go behind it.  With some of them, I believe it, with others, the sceptic in me thinks they may be a little ….off.

In the end I accept and acknowledge their story, because who am I to judge or doubt?  Don’t get me wrong, there are some “woo woo” weird healings that I offer within my own practice! When they handed it down to me, I had the same skepticism.

It took one thing for me to realize their potential and power: experience.

When I receive a healing and I see growth and change in my body, mind, and emotional states, then I can see the good within it.  If there is no change, then I move on to the next.

After over 13 years of study, I’m the one talking about this school and introducing these concepts, teachings, and healings to others.  Even throughout my years of intensive study, there were still plenty of moments when I doubted.

It was 2007, and I was sitting in a class of maybe 150 people, learning how to do this healing they called the Life Activation.  I sat and listened. I understood for the most part what was being presented.  I practiced all the techniques, trying hard to not doubt the process, and just did the protocol.

I felt confident and great in the class, but when it came time to use this healing tool afterwards, I resisted. I wasn’t confident in my ability to do it, or even talk about it, because it took another special tool to use it: trust and faith.

Being that sceptic, I didn’t believe in myself to have the power or capabilities to heal someone and change their life for the better, especially using a stick and a crystal.  In time, I grew and learned through my own experiences, and the experiences of others.

Around that same time, early within my study in the Modern Mystery School, my teacher and MMS Founder Gudni Gudnason, spoke to me at the end of one of his classes.  He said to me that it’s ok to question and doubt these things. (I assume he could read it in my energy or in the questions I had asked). He told me that in fact it was one of my strengths.  I didn’t fully understand what he was saying, but it was reassuring and comforting to know that it was ok to feel the way I was feeling.  What he didn’t say, but I realized after some time, is that I would need to let go of this doubt in order to grow.

There must come a point along the path where we stop having doubt and instead have faith in the work that we are doing.

To this day, there are still times I question, but I discern whether it works in my life and for those around me.  I believe that it is good to question things, especially within an art form where it may be difficult to prove its validity with the physical senses.

Our beliefs are based on our experience, and the only reason I am still doing what I am doing, is because of those profound moments during a class or an energy healing, where I gained more insight into myself or the universe, where I felt such an intense sense of peace or release. For me, the best ones are when the practitioner points something out in your physical body and works on that area where you’ve had physical pain or discomfort.

The thing is, you won’t really know what you’ll experience until you try it, and as much as I resist and question, I’m still willing to try it out.

The Modern Mystery School and the Path of Initiation has brought me many things: knowledge, healing tools, empowerment; but it also gave me a place where I could work through and process these thoughts and feelings, and not judging me for thinking how weird or ridiculous I thought things were.

For anyone along a path of spirituality, I always tell them to use discernment, question things along that path, use the tools given, and if they work for you, great! If not, perhaps try them again at a later time.

I use these experiences to navigate my beliefs and to discern what works for me and what doesn’t.  On the other hand, what works for me may not work for someone else.  We are all made up differently and need different treatments.

I’ve discovered that perhaps I began these studies to prove to myself that God, and this world of energy, was real.  I study different subjects within metaphysics, to see which ones resonate with me the most, to see which ones help me get to know myself better and help me heal and grow, so that I can share that with you.

Skeptical? Give me a call, let’s talk.